Ramblings

I sort of took a hiatus from blogging after Daddy died. My emotions were all the place and they still are so I've decided it would be best to go ahead and get it out.  I'm sitting in a car right now with the people who I love and adore the most in this world minus 2. I'm with Momma, Brian, Blaise, & Jackson. The only 2 people who are missing would be my sister & my Daddy.  We are on our way to Little Rock right now to get on a plane to Winter Park, Colorado.  A trip we were suppose to take with my Daddy. But he passed away Sunday, January 13 & we were suppose to leave the following Friday, January 18.

The past couple of weeks have been hard. I can wake up in the morning and everything be fine, get in my car to drive to work & burst into tears. I feel like I need to be locked up in a padded room somewhere by myself because I feel like I'm going nuts.  But from all the professionals and people in my situation say this is all normal.  I DO NOT feel normal. Nothing about this is "normal" I have a new  "normal" now, I guess.

Well as I sit in the car driving away from everything, I feel at peace.  I have my headphones in listening to music. All feels right with the world right now. I can feel the sun on my face and I feel like that's all I really need right now.  Why can't life be this easy? Drive away from your problems listening to your favorite tunes. (Wishful Thinking I know)

God and I have had a love/hate relationship lately.  There for a while I was extremely mad at him. I was pissed off at him & my Daddy. I felt like they had both let me down. Left me here to tend to things on my own. I know Daddy isn't suffering anymore and that God has plan but to completely honest this whole situation just SUCKS. There is no other way to describe it, it just plain ole sucks. Well thank God for my Momma & Brian. They have helped me a lot and let me know that it's okay to go to someone to talk to.  So within the past 3 weeks I have been going to see a Christian Counselor, who I absolutely love.  It's so nice to go in the room and say any and everything that you're upset about, mad about, happy about, whatever she is there to listen.  Well my first week I told I was struggling with my relationship with God and I needed some guidance.  She has done just that.  Yesterday we talked about praying.  She told me a story of someone who she had overheard talking at church the other day, she said this lady was talking about someone she knew who was struggling with an addiction problem.  She said I can't do anything but pray. I told God he had a problem and that he needed to work on it.

I love that. So I've been telling God he has all kinds of problems he needs to get to busy working on :) Not in those words.  But they are God's problems.  I can't handle everything. I'm only human.  He died on that cross for me so that I would't have to carry so many burdens. So I'm trying very hard to give it all to God.  Please pray for me.  That my relationship keeps getting stronger and closer.

I feel like I'm rambling now so I'm going to stop! Haha. Please pray we have a safe flight and we have an awesome trip!