For some reason I just decided I would read the blogs I wrote when Daddy passed. All I can do is sit here and cry and think of how much I miss him and how he needs to be here with me right now in Colorado, I need him everyday. I miss that man so much. Everything we have done, at some point in time this trip I've thought, Daddy would love this, or if Daddy was here right now he'd be doing ______. I really try to keep it all together and not cry because I don't want to make people feel uncomfortable. There is nothing anyone can do to make me feel better. Only God & time will do that and I think it is going to be a while. My Momma & Jackson left today to go back home. I miss them like crazy. I felt so at peace the past couple days having the people I love most under one roof with me. I wish it could be like this everyday, but I'm afraid we'd all be crazy then! :)
I want my Daddy to come back so bad it hurts. The pain I feel and the emptiness is just not fair. Sometimes and right now I feel like I could just scream. Screaming makes me feel better. Just to be able to get out some other kind of emotion instead of crying helps me. I hate crying. I hate seeing the people I love seeing me be upset. Then I hate not being able to explain why I'm crying or where the emotion came from. I seriously never know when it will hit me. This whole thing just sucks. Really, really, really sucks. I want so bad to feel better.
I have not mustered up the strength yet to go visit Daddy's grave. That is something that has been on my mind the past couple of days. I want to go. I need to go. But I'm scared. It is something I need to do on my own. I need to go talk to him by myself but going to visit his grave makes this whole thing even more of a reality. Please pray that God will guide me and give me strength to make that visit.
Not sure how the rest of the night will pan out, I feel like I could just cry myself sleep. I don't want or need to do that so hopefully this surge of emotion will pass quick.
