Late Night Thoughts

My mind & thoughts are going ninety to nothing right now, so if this post seems all over place, well, it's because it is.  Bare with me.

I often wonder how and why people get cancer.  There are so many people in this world who have never done anything wrong and get cancer.  Why?  There are people in this world who are horrible, terrible, awful people who don't follow the Lord or pray or go to Church, why don't they get cancer?  I know and believe that God has his hand in this.

I have felt for the past year (before my Dad was diagnosed) that God has been trying to teach or show me something, I just haven't been able to figure out what.  I know he will reveal it to me in time, but it has been a long hard road. I feel like every time I get my head above water and things start going good for me I get knocked back down again.  So last Tuesday was a huge blow for me.  I feel like I'm drowning, screaming for help, and no one can hear me.  I know that I have an awesome family and friends to help me, but everyone has their own lives and their own things to worry about.  It's hard to ask for help.  (That pride of mine sometimes gets in the way)

I know that I cannot worry or be anxious about anything, but that is so much easier said than done.  I am a worrier.  I am an anxious person.  It is in me, it's how I've always been.  I try to stay calm and not let things bother me, but I do.  I pray for God to take it away and ask for patience and all I do is feel like he tests me.  I just keep reminding myself that this is God's plan.  He IS going to be here with me and my family down this long road.  He does have a purpose for everything that has happened in my life this past year and why my Daddy has such a nasty ugly thing as cancer.  He will show me.  He has and will always be there for me, I just have to keep my faith.

A friend of mine gave me this Bible verse last week.  It is something I have been reflecting on.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

I just pray God will open my eyes and clear my heart.  To help me be able to cast all of my anxieties  and fears on him and leave them with.