I told some friends of mine tonight that this whole thing is
so hard for me to process. One
minute I’m crying and the next I’m laughing. Today Brian and I were driving in the car, I didn’t feel
like talking so I sat I stared out the window thinking about the last moments I
had with my Daddy. As we pull into
Wal-Mart I look around and see everyone doing their daily routines, shopping,
getting gas, etc. I kept thinking
don’t these people know my Daddy is gone, no longer here. Shouldn’t everything
just stop? I feel like my world is
at a stand still and everyone else’s is going along just fine and normal. I try to keep telling myself that this
is all in God’s plan, but that is so much easier said than done. I think, who is going to walk me
down the aisle when I get married?
Who is going to hold my baby?
I know that I have all kinds of special people in my life to help fill
in those voids, but it’s not MY Daddy.
It’s not how I always imagined things to be. I can say that I did make the best out of every moment I had
with him every chance I got ever since he was diagnosed with cancer. I have a friend whose Dad just passed
away suddenly a couple of months ago as well and I got to sit and talk with her
tonight. I hate to say I’m happy to have someone who’s in the same boat as me,
because NO ONE wants that. But we
have been friends since we were babies so I know that I can be very blunt,
open, and honest with her and she will do the same thing with me. I am not mad at God. I have to come to
peace with this. He has a
plan. I am thankful that he let me
be there for the last breaths that my Daddy took. I got to hold his hand. I got to kiss his cheek and tell him how much I love
him. I got to climb in the bed and
lay with him like I’ve done since I was a kid; the only thing was I couldn’t
smell his tobacco or feel his hands rubbing my back.
God,
I know you
took him for a reason. I know that
he was suffering. I am so thankful
that you made me realize not to take the little things for granted. I will miss my Daddy very much. I will miss seeing him sitting in the
driveway when I pull up. I will
miss sitting under the pear tree drinking beer with him or having a couple of
glasses of wine. I will miss
hearing all of his stories. I will miss his big hugs. Hearing him tell me he loves me. I will come to peace with this. I know you will help and guide me through me this. But right now God, I’m numb. I want and need you to help me
understand. Thank you for all the memories I made with my
Daddy for the past 25 years.
No comments:
Post a Comment