Ramblin'

I'm beginning to feel extremely anxious.  My Daddy's birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and I'm getting worried about how well I'm going to deal with it.  I want to be able to celebrate and fully embrace the day. After his birthday is Father's Day. Back to back within a month of each other. Not sure if my emotions will be on overload or if I will handle it "properly" I haven't cried about him much lately.  I had a moment Monday night, but just for a few minutes. Other than that my emotions have been in check. Making progress, baby steps, but steps in the right direction!

 I have finally come to the conclusion that God did/does have a plan.  It is a daily struggle sometimes to see it, but I know in the end God is showing His grace for me.  My relationships with myself, my family, friends, and God have gotten so much stronger in the past month or so. It's amazing the way God works. I have finally started letting go and letting Him be in charge of my life and letting Him lead me. Which is also still a daily struggle because sometimes my type A personality likes to rear its ugly head. My counselor gave me some good advice yesterday.  I was telling her that I feel like my feelings are always telling/leading me in the wrong direction. My head is telling me one thing and my heart saying "oh no it's fine, they're your feelings, you must be right. Blah Blah Blah..." She told me that I needed to start listening to my head because most of the time that's the logic and God telling you the right thing to do.  So all of that being said, yesterday I made a promise to myself that I would start, or at least try, to start following my brain and not my heart. I have decided that if something is meant to be it will happen on God's time, if not, then so be it, there is something better that God has planned. All I can do is put myself out there, say what I'm feeling or thinking, and then it is out of my hands. I can't control anything. 

With all of that, please pray that I continue to let God lead me and for me to be able to let things go. Also, pray that on Daddy's birthday, May 14, all goes well and that it is a joyous day and full of celebration.